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Was that Sexual Assault?
Posted By: Parkridge | May 6, 2021
When we see or hear reports of rape or see it portrayed in the media, we know that this is sexual violence: there is a perpetrator, a victim and a crime. The most recent data from the CDC on Sexual Violence and Assault is that more than 1 in 3 women will experience sexual violence involving physical contact during her lifetime. But, Because rape and sexual assault are not limited to crimes involving violence - the reality is that sexual assault isn’t always that simple to identify.
Consent given only because of coercion or pressure isn’t actually consent. And...consent cannot be given while a person is intoxicated. On the surface these things seem plain - but lived out in the real world, some situations can feel confusing and not so straightforward.
Sexual encounters that leave you feeling confused, ashamed, guilty, or fearful suggest that your relationship might be unsafe or unhealthy. If you have experienced any of the situations described below, or are in a relationship where these are routinely occurring, we would encourage you to talk with someone you trust, and who has your best interest at heart (parent, teacher, counselor, mentor) Parkridge provides counseling resources to help you explore and process concerns about your sexual experiences.
Click here to schedule an appointment.
Coercion or Consent?
- He/she kissed me even when I told him/her to stop.
- He/she made me do sexual acts that made me hurt and feel uncomfortable.
- He refused to use condoms even when I asked him to.
- My partner told me we had sex when I was drunk and I don’t remember it.
- I felt pressured to keep having sex with my partner in order to keep the relationship together.
- My friend forced himself on me when we were watching a movie in his room.
- My friend made fun of me and what I could do sexually until I just gave in and had sex with him/her.
- I woke up and someone was with me in bed. I don’t remember what happened.
- I only said yes because I got tired of saying no.
- I felt obligated to say yes to sex even though I didn’t want to because he/she pays my bills.
- I don’t remember saying no - I froze and was too scared to react. It happened so fast.
There is a wide range of emotion that you might feel after a sexual encounter,
but healthy sexual encounters don’t leave one partner feeling afraid, angry, ashamed or guilty.
Do any of the things listed below seem familiar to you?
Emotional: “I feel so numb.”
Shock: “Why am I so calm? Why can’t I cry?”
Disbelief: “Did it really happen? Why me?”
Embarrassment: “What will people think? No, I can’t tell my family!”
Shame: “I feel dirty, like there is something wrong with me now.”
Guilt: “I feel as if I did something to make this happen to me. If only I had done…”
Depression: “How am I going to go on? I feel tired and don’t want to be around anyone.”
Powerlessness: “Will I ever feel in control again?”
Disorientation: “I can’t sit still. I’m having trouble getting through the day. I’m just overwhelmed.”
Re-triggering: “I keep having flashbacks or nightmares. I wish they would stop.”
Minimizing: “It’s not a big deal.”
Fear: “I’m afraid. What if I get pregnant or have an STD? Am I safe? Can people tell what’s happened to me? Will I ever get over this? I’m afraid I’m going crazy.”
Anxiety: “I’m a nervous wreck! I have trouble breathing. I can’t sleep. My mind is constantly racing. I worry about everything. I feel on edge all the time. I eat too much or don’t eat at all. I feel sick to my stomach a lot. I have nightmares.”
Anger: “I want to hurt him!”
Denial: “It really wasn’t rape. That didn’t happen.”
It is very common for people to question whether or not their sexual experience meets criteria to be called sexual assault, and it can be helpful to process these sexual experiences with a trained counselor in order to name the experience and restore a sense of trust and safety.
If you have concerns, please talk to someone who can help. Parkridge is here for you. We have licensed professional counselors on staff to help you. Call 806.794.8555 or click here to make a free, confidential appointment.
If you have been assaulted and/or this is an emergency and you are in immediate danger, please call 9-1-1
Other Lubbock resources:
Women’s Protective Services
Hotline: 806.747.6491
Office: 806.748.5292
Website: www.wpslubbock.org
Voice of Hope:
Phone: 806.763.7273
RAINN (National Sexual Assault Hotline)
Phone: 1.800.656.4673
Reference:
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/notes-self/201310/8-keys-healthy-relationships
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/healthy-connections/201005/the-right-healthy-relationship
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/minority-report/202102/unwanted-sexual-behaviors-in-relationships
https://breakthesilencedv.org/consent-and-healthy-sexual-boundaries/?cn-reloaded=1
https://www.nsvrc.org/sites/default/files/2019-08/Characteristics%20of%20Sexually%20Healthy%20Adults.pdf
(https://www.cdc.gov/injury/features/sexual-violence/index.html#:~:text=Nearly%201%20in%205%20women,it%20occurred%20before%20age%2010.)
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